I explained everything done for my cosmetic destiny.
My speech must be my Sistine Chapel...
my Ninth Symphony, my "Citizen Kane".
My words needed to be more inspirational...
than Martin luther King's "l Have a Dream" speech.
They had to be more miraculous than Mark McGuire's 70th home run.
I used impressive words like "destiny", "soul mate", "yearnings".
It takes a big man to yearn. I put my heart out.
Without you, I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog in the highway!
I have gift anxiety. Even though I don't know when your birthday is!
We can spend perfect days shopping and cooking together.
I'll never make wise cracks...
when you scrape your tires against the curb or parallel parking.
If you concede to live with me, I'll clean the toilette every week.
I'll do it with my tongue if you ask.
I'll strike the words "hooters" and "love rockets" from my vocabulary.
I'll love you even if you are Mimi and you want me to say "May-May".
I'll only pass gas underneath the covers in the direst circumstances.
I'll go on a low-cholesterol diet.
And I won't buy a red sports car when I have my mid-life crisis.
Your parents can come visit us every week.
Even if your mom is a big witch with a capital B.
Your folks don't have to go to a retirement home.
They can live with us. I declare, I'll separate the whites from the colors...
I'll learn the mysteries of hot water and cold water washes.
I'll never huff and puff waiting for you to put on your make-up.
If you're a cat person, I'll never say that a dog can save your life.
I'll happily go see flicks with you, like "Pride and Prejudice".
I'll make a point to try new foods, like okra gumbo.
I won't turn my nose at vegetables whose awful taste...
is disguised by having cheese put on it.
I pledge to always say "yes" when you ask, "is my hair looking okay?"
I'm gonna bring a whole new meaning to the word "cuddle".
I'll be thoughtful enough to read you horoscope everyday.
I'm gonna save every birthday card you send me.
And I'll actually write you real letters when we're apart.
I'm never gonna expect you to know where I left my car keys...
and I'll never leave my socks on the floor.
With me, you'll find the cap's always on the toothpaste.
I'll start wearing those male bikini underwear if you like.
My belly-button will always be free.
It will be the most passionate, intimate experience you ever had.
I declare now, I'll give my life for you.
If you fail to come to me...
I know some part of me will surely die.